Why I Don't Wear Pants: A Guide To Introverts.

Introverts.... the consistently misunderstood.
We're not always shy. We're not always awkward. We're not even always quiet.
We're just a little different.
I've come to accept that I am, in fact, an introvert. I am not a shy shut-in. I like people. I'm fairly confident. As far as I know, I'm not socially awkward.
Introversion tends to make people uncomfortable so I thought to myself.... Why not produce a mini guide to introverts?
I'm not saying this is the guide for all introverts.
Personality tests tell me I am an INFJ and only 2% of the entire population of this earth are such. I am sure less INFJ humans are a Cancer by zodiac and as moody as I am.
Should you come across a moody introvert with a soul made of mush and feelings of all kinds, maybe this will help you figure out the enigma in front of you.

1. Don't force introverts to be social when they need to recharge. 
For an extrovert, this is impossible to understand. You go to work, you recharge over a coffee/beer/bottle of wine with your friends after. You need to be with people. Introverts need to quietly recharge to be social. Each person will find their own way to recharge. Likely it is at home and it's pretty close to alone.
I like to forego pants for about 30 minutes a while when I get home. It discourages people from bothering me and I get to lay on my bed for a few minutes in peace.
Some introverts prefer pants. That's okay too.
Just don't take that time away from them. If you force an introvert out and they're not feeling prepared, you will be met with a flustered human. They will be thinking about escaping to their own version of No-Pants time.

2. Don't assume introverts dislike you.
Sometimes introverts are stuck inside their head. It's not our fault that we falter in conversation or don't answer right away.
Sometimes conversation gets draining... like when we're due to recharge.
Sometimes we need to be alone. Not necessarily wanting to be away from you per se, but just need to be solitary.
It's nothing personal.
Personally, I like to be sure my words and thoughts are just as safe outside of my head as they are inside. People I don't know well asking me personal questions agitate me. I don't know where my words will end up. On top of being an introvert, I am a little cautious when I meet people. If I know and like you, I will be a little more extroverted. I will be more open.
If I don't know you well, don't assume I dislike you. I just may not know you well enough to have decided that yet. Disliking people is not my default. If I dislike you, I likely have a reason. Not knowing you is not a good enough reason.

3. Don't try to make an introvert and extrovert.
It's an innate personality trait. When people don't accept an introvert for what they are, it makes them feel like there's something wrong with them.
There isn't. Introverts just recharge and connect in a different way.
That's not a crime.
I say this, but sometimes I need a little push. Recharging is so nice that sometimes I don't realize I'm driving the extroverts around me insane. It's okay to remind me that you're different too. If someone needs me to extend myself, that's fine. People need certain interactions. I accept that. I don't need to be accommodated every single day. Just understood.
We don't all need to be the same. Give it up extroverts. Introverts are here to stay.

4. Don't avoid introverts. 
It's not like introverts don't like company. Sometimes it just HAS to be low-key. If you're extroverted, you get energy from social interaction. If you're introverted, social interaction takes from your energy. If you know an introverted homebody, just be with them. If you're not demanding intense interaction, then you're more than welcome to participate in recharge time.
Sometimes, Jon sits with me when I have no-pants time. But it's not a time for deep conversation. It's quiet time. I like that.
Sometimes I read and he sits and does his thing. Sometimes I even recharge watching movies with the closest of my friends. It works because it is LOW key. It's not demanding.
I don't like to be avoided because I prefer quieter activities. Just be quiet with me sometimes. I will get rowdy another day.

5. Stay out of the bubble. 
Personal space really matters to me. I don't know about other introverts. I don't like strangers in my space. It makes me uncomfortable. I presume this is because that is a pretty intense interaction. Or because I am wary of new people. More to come on this point.

I am sure this isn't the most comprehensive guide to moody introverts, but maybe it offers some insight into why introverts act how they act.
I spent a lot of my life trying to figure out why I felt the urge to be completely anti-social sometimes. It's the need to recharge. I didn't realize until I was a little older that one can be friendly and confident while being an introvert. It seemed impossible, but it really isn't.
I'm lucky that most of my friends and family have some degree of understanding of how I operate. They know I don't like pants, nap every Wednesday, and I really like to be at home. They seem to accept that.
I've reached a point in my life where I don't make an excuse to avoid social life when I need to recharge. I respond honestly and say "Thanks, but I don't want to."
I'm grateful for my loved one's acceptance.

xo

Family

"… Maybe that's the lesson for me today, to hold onto these simple moments - appreciate them a little more, there's not many of them left. I don't ever want that for you, finding things that make you happy shouldn't be so hard. I know you'll face pain, suffering, hard choices but you can't let the weight of it choke the joy out of your life. No matter what, you have to find the things that love you. Run to them. There's an old saying - that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I don't believe that. I think the things that try to kill you make you angry and sad. Strength comes from the good things, your family, your friends, the satisfaction of hard work. Those are the things that will keep you whole, those are the things to hold onto when you're broken."
-Jax Teller, Sons of Anarchy

The above quote is from my favourite T.V. show.  It's a father telling his sons to hold on to what's good in life.
I love it.
It's simple.
It's to the point.
It's true.
Holding on to things that hurt you or make you angry eventually breaks you.
I didn't bring you here to tell you about my love for Kurt Sutter and all things SOA. I brought you here to talk about the things that keep us whole. Kurt Sutter just gave eloquent wording to my thoughts. (Even though he took away Opie, I still love him.)
This has been a pretty wild few months for our household. I have found I have had less time to dwell on the things that don't keep me whole. I have less time to worry about what insignificant things are happening around me. I have had to focus immense attention on my family.
I feel some things have changed. I know some plans are on the back burner.
I'm okay with that. I know I've made an exchange more valuable than anything else I could gain.
When I am old and grey, it won't matter how much work I did in 2013, how extraordinary my vacation was, or how full my bank account was.
What will matter will be the people surrounding me - be they blood or not - my family will be what keeps me whole, strong, and happy in my life.
As I said, our household has undergone some changes. It could have been a lot more trying for our family, but I'm surrounded by like-minded people. In the end, your family is all that really matters.
Although family situations can be messy you do what you must.
The people you rely on to keep you whole deserve to know what they mean to you. They deserve to know that you will keep them as whole as they will keep you. They deserve to know that in the end, when all is said and done, they are what matters to you.
The things that try and kill you will make you angry and sad. There is no doubt about that. You should do as Jax says. Run to the things you love. Run to the the people who love you. Be with them and don't let them go.
When you're broken, they will build you up.
When you need to face the things that make you angry and sad, you will be whole and never alone.

xo